i get so hard on myself at times. i think we all do at one point or another. when nothing seems to be going right. or when you're trying to figure it all out. you look back and the past and wallow in it. well i do. for the past couple of years i have been so focused on where i went wrong, the maybe-not-the best decisions i made, the what if? and i sink into this hole. this depressing, self inflicting place of regret. i dont like to think i have regrets. as people like to say, it all happens for a reason. its the mistakes that make us who we are. but to be honest. doing it right the first time might have been a little easier. i look at it in a slightly spiritual sense. the two roads. the fork. His way, the other way. ive gotten a lot more life in the past few years. those experiences that are supposed to make you wiser, mature. but not without some sort of pain or loss. loss of innocence. left that naive, hopeful wide eyed behind. and emerged something changed. a little wiser. less smiles. its strange. was having this discussion, minus the rambling with two different females in my life. one younger just on the brink of spreading her wings. the other my age. in a different place. more like where i was when i moved back here. after sharing some bits of life, lessons and my own 2 cents. i found myself feeling "wise". in a sense. actually found myself sounding like my mother who will talk and talk but when its all said and done-gives you truth. hope that in my talking and talking both ladies took something from the conversation. sitting in that place. that black hole. thinking about the woulda,coulda shouldas is not changing today. you have to live in the moment. you will bring your own self down [and who needs that?] and never progress towards greater. greatness. take those wouldacouldashouldas and apply to them to the decisions you will make. the positive choices you will choose. sure i probably should have kept my butt at state. [but im not the social type and campus life is crazy.]. and as much as sometimes i wish we'd catch up with our movies and invent that damn time machine. we wont. and we cant. and i shouldnt want to. because tomorrow is going to be so much brighter. live the life you are living now. stop wallowing in yesterday. and choose the right path today. take that negativity and make it fight for you. make you work harder. hustle harder. want it. get hungry! ive said it before. to you and to you. but i dont think i truly listened to my own words. on facebook finding myself wishing i was where some of my former classmates and peers are now. seeing other actors way ahead of the game, wondering why i am not. wasting time. yes its a waste of time. today. i am focused on me. and me alone. it happened. and its done. and today and tomorrow and the day after. is a brand new day.
.that title is from my jam @ the end of the wiz. hence the pic.
cant u...feel a...brand new daaaaay.
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